LGBT Issues and Concerns

Listed below are some concerns that a gay, lesbian or bisexual might face. They are listed chronologically for some, but not all, gays, lesbians and bisexuals. It is important to realize each person is different and will have different concerns and issues. To simplify reading, all pronouns will be female.

Having the feelings (without the first encounter)
This is a stage of self discovery where one must deal with the attractions, both physically and mentally to someone of the same sex.

Trying to go "straight" and be "straight"
When one is dealing with the confusion of same sex attractions and feelings, the individual wants life to continue as is. No one can find out, however, so she lives life as a heterosexual or at least "passes" for one. Others may be in denial and insist on living as a heterosexual and may even actively participate in heterosexual sex.

Values, religious beliefs and self
For some, the way they were raised and the morals and values instilled in them (either through religion, friends, family, etc.) will conflict greatly with being gay, lesbian or bisexual. Often, because of this conflict, gays, lesbian and bisexuals are forced to re-define their "self" and begin living their true identity.

Dealing with stereotypes and self
Unfortunately, many negative stereotypes of gays, lesbian and bisexuals exist. While coming to terms with their sexuality, gays, lesbians or bisexuals must analyze themselves in reference to these stereotypes and find where they fit in. Often gays, lesbians and bisexuals fall into an internalized oppression and begin living out the stereotypes that they feel best define them.

Examining the beliefs of others, especially those you respect
Similar to the analysis of one's own beliefs, a gay, lesbian or bisexual person must also look at the beliefs of others and where she will now fit into those beliefs. Conflicts in beliefs often cause a person to stay closeted.

Coming out to self
This is the biggest step for a gay, lesbian, or bisexual person. A gay, lesbian or bisexual cannot begin to be honest with others until she is honest with herself. Through the coming out process, a gay, lesbian or bisexual must create a new identity for herself or perhaps redefine her current self. At this point, a gay, lesbian or bisexual has accepted her own sexuality.

Coming out to others
Once a gay, lesbian or bisexual person has been honest with herself about her sexuality, she considers telling others of this news. First to be told are those whom they feel both close and comfortable with. Every day a decision must be made about who to come out to. Parents are sometimes the first to know, and sometimes the last to know.

Having opportunity (the environment) to "come out"
Although a gay, lesbian or bisexual person may want to come out to the world, she will only do so with people or in an environment that is both tolerant and supportive. Many times she may want to tell her parents but knows because of religious beliefs that they will not be accepting. This type of rejection increases the difficulty involved in coming out in the future.

Dealing with the reactions of others
In conjunction with a safe environment and whom to tell, a gay, lesbian or bisexual person also takes into consideration the reactions of those she decides to trust. She must be realistic about the wide spectrum of reactions this announcement will receive. Often times, the anticipation of the negative reaction will delay the coming out process.

Too much happening too soon
For gays, lesbians and bisexuals many things are happening in their life while they come to terms with their sexuality. It is often hard to continue with work and school with so much going on. Many gay, lesbian or bisexual people fail classes or miss work during this time. Sleep becomes difficult as do many normal every day functions.

Meeting others like oneself
Once a gay, lesbian or bisexual accepts herself, she often goes in search of people who will understand and/or are like her. Unlike other special populations, gays, lesbians and bisexuals are much more difficult to identify. This sometimes causes a sense of isolation and depression. Finding a place in the gay community helps one deal with all of these issues.

Developing a genuine lifestyle for self
Being a gay, lesbian or bisexual person is very different from living life as a gay, lesbian or bisexual. It is important to find the place where one fits in. Making choices and developing a way of life she is comfortable with is very difficult. Gays, lesbians or bisexuals continually reexamine their daily choices related and non-related to their sexuality.

Developing relationships
The relationships a gay, lesbian or bisexual person develops are based strongly on trust. Gays, lesbians or bisexuals are no longer free to say and act on their feelings. Many of these desires must be hidden and a gay, lesbian or bisexual needs relationships that will understand and accept the constant necessity for this. After coming out, a gay, lesbian or bisexual may find themselves without the support of a family or with different friends. Trust issues become prevalent. This issue will also transfer into the romantic relationships within a gay, lesbian or bisexual's life.

Dealing with relationships
Upon the formation of many new relationships, or the redefining of old ones, a gay, lesbian or bisexual person must deal with many issues. Some will accept her sexuality, others will not. In romantic relationships, one partner may be out longer and more comfortable or experienced. The different emotional stages of people within a relationship often compound already developed tensions.