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Effective Communication
Many of us struggle to communicate effectively. It may be that you are a person who can think clearly about what you want to say, but the words seem to get mixed up upon delivery. Or perhaps, you feel that people often "misunderstand" what you were trying to communicate. Communication, like any other skill, takes practice. Here are some suggestions to begin learning the process of more effective communication.
Do You Hear What I Hear?
- Being an effective communicator starts with being an effective listener.
- Summarize what you heard the other person say.
- Check with the other person to make sure that you clearly understood everything that was being communicated.
- Active listening helps us focus on hearing what is being said. This can stop us from thinking about what we want to say in response (often times missing important contextual information).
- Before addressing what the other person has said, make sure that she/he is completely done with his/her comments.
I Think Therefore I Am
- Use "I" statements, not "You" statements-"I am feeling frustrated" instead of "You frustrate me."
- Focus on your feelings "I feel hurt when you don't answer my phone calls because I worry I may not be important to you."
- Focus on behaviors and other concrete examples instead of making blanket statements-"I was hurt when you left to go with your friends yesterday when we had plans to go to dinner" instead of "You never follow through with anything we plan."
- Focus on the present. Communicate about things as they happen instead of "storing" information and then attacking someone with it-"Earlier today I was hurt when . . . " instead of "Last year, you told me we were going to the movies and we did not go. Last Thanksgiving you forgot to take the dog for a walk when you said you would."
Keep in mind that some of us may need additional resources before we can begin that process. CAPS can help you to become a better communicator if you need additional support resources.
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